Thursday, March 15, 2012

My Very Own Stupid Human Trick!

At a place I used to work, the Boss once initiated a contest, just for fun, called "Stupid Human Tricks."
She stated that everyone had a talent, bizarre perhaps, to do something really entertaining that no one else could do, or at least, not very many people. Everyone really got into it. I saw weird dance moves, heard the alphabet being recited backwards, watched someone wiggle their ears in tune with a song, and a few other crazy things. While I was laughing on the outside, I was secretly feeling panicky on the inside. What could I do? What was my Stupid Human Trick? I was pretty sure constantly banging my head on stuff (accidentally) and not being dead yet didn't really count. I started feeling left out. Is it possible that there isn't something out there that I would be really good at? A Jill of Many Trades, but a Master at None? What a horrible feeling!

Then someone sent me a link to a (now defunct site) where people were selling their (G-rated, don't worry) services for all kinds of creative and crazy things they could do. I was like What?! Then I was like, Whoa! Then I was all like, Heeeyyyyyy....Because GUYS, I think I found MY "Stupid Human Trick"!!!!

I threw out my idea on twitter and a handful of people responded. They each gave me three words and I had to write a short story using those three words. I had 24 hours to complete the challenge.

Here are two examples of what I am talking about. Enjoy!

Example One:
~Sector~Floccinauchinihilipilificate~Interlude~ Words courtesy of Lindsay Strachan @QualityLindsay on (Bless her cruel, sadistic little heart)

Cybernetica is much like any other city. There are shopping centers, repair shops, residential neighborhoods, and forms of public transportation. The primary difference between it, and say, London, is the inhabitants. Humans are forbidden from entering Cybernetica, not that any even know it exists. Cybernetica is home to 18,477 retired Automatons, and the numbers continue to grow, slowly but surely.

It is comprised of 20 Sectors, or Districts. Like Humans, Automatons require entertainment. In any world without entertainment, the citizens begin to grow tense and agitated, and strife will begin. Without pleasurable pastimes, the citizens will inevitably turn on one another. In a retirement community, entertainment is especially important.

Our story begins in Sector 19, the Theater District.

 Bernard X47K turns to his partner, Ursa JJ9910P. “My dear, shall we take a turn about the promenade between acts?”

 Ursa sighs. “No, Bernie, I’ve told you before, I really prefer to stay seated and take in the Interlude.”

 Bernard harrumphs. “I don’t understand why. They never feature any real talent during the Interludes. It’s always just a bunch of silly androids, be-bopping across the stage.”

 “Silly androids? For shame, Bernard. Really.” Ursa lets out a puff of steam in exasperation. “You know that the critically acclaimed Grete 88C4 got her start in this very theater, doing an Interlude back in 2084.”

 “Ursa, that is one example, and she was obviously a rarity. It’s been 42 years since then and not one Automaton has followed in her steps.”

 “Oh no, Bernard X? What about Jort*BB? You cannot possibly claim he has not achieved Star Status in his own right!”

 “Oh, he’s achieved Star Status, alright. So noxious, they sent him to the stars!” Bernard pressed the button that imitated the sound of a Human chortling.

 Ursa stood up, her instruction panel flashing red lights. “You can sit here and floccinauchinihilipilificate all by your self then, Bernard X47K, because I will NOT stand for it!” She stomped off, her blocky legs practically denting the theater floor with the force she was using to raise and lower them.

 “Oh Ursa, come back! I was only having a bit of fun!” Groaned Bernard. “Ursa? Honey? Please?”

 Bernard X47K watched his beloved Ursa JJ9910P storm away from him, his evening ruined.

Example 2:

 ~Zombie~flashmob~train Words courtesy of Michael Andrew Patterson, @DyadicEchoes on

Patty was exhausted and couldn't wait to get home to put her feet up, microwave a meal, and pet her cat.
Leaving her office, she realized she had taken the train to work, not her car. Making her way to the station, she heard a whistle. Turning around to look, she saw a sight that made her blood curdle. A large man was coming towards her, but his size wasn’t what terrified her, it was the vacant look in his eyes, the blood dripping down his chin, and his lurching movements.
“Are you KIDDING me?” Patty thought. A zombie in Albany, Ohio? This was ridiculous. Had she already fallen asleep and started a nightmare?
She pinched herself. “Ow.” Not dreaming, then. Crap. Time to run! Thank God she had exchanged her heels for flats before leaving her desk. Spinning around, she began running in the opposite direction of the zombie. Only now there was another one in front of her. A woman, arms outstretched. Patty spun to her right. Another zombie. To her left. More zombies. A sob escaped from her throat. This could not be happening!
She heard another whistle, and suddenly, the zombies stopped. Another whistle, and they moved their arms overhead, as in unison. Frozen in place, Patty heard the opening riff for a famous song come over the train station’s loudspeakers.
Dun Dun Dun dada dun dun. Dun Dun Dun dada dun dun.
There was at least fifty zombies surrounding her. There was no escape. They began moving, but not towards her. They were moving in unison to the beat of the song. Arms jerked, legs extended, hips were popping and locking.
Patty realized she was experiencing, for the first time in history, a dancing zombie flashmob.

So there you have it, folks. Give me 3 words, and I will create a story using them as inspiration. What's YOUR "Stupid Human Trick"?

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