Thursday, October 24, 2013

Sneaky B*tches

Today, I overheard a girl in a class today talking about running her first 5k. I congratulated her and got chatting about running, and mentioned that I hope to do a 5k one of these days. And then she was like....oh, yeah, I have asthma and I couldn't breathe but you know, it was easy, I just kept moving, blah blah blah, running just comes easily to me I guess, aren't I awesome, etc. etc. etc.

That's when I realized she was a Sneaky Bitch. You know the type...the ones who make all your hard work and agony seem so STUPID and pointless because they just decide one day to do something, and it works for THEM, and they don't understand that not everyone can do that thing easily. They don't give a crap their words are like a knife in your back.

And today, it's just the final straw for me, because I've spent the better part of the past two years trying to be a runner. I went to a running clinic to learn proper form (ball impact, heel glance...any coach that ever told you to “dig in those heels” while running was a dumbass and likely causing you injury). I'd get so close to completing a full mile and fall short, because my lungs were going to explode. I've fallen off treadmills, nay, FLEW off a treadmill, because I am a horrible spaz. I've sprained the same ankle twice, very badly, again on the spaz bit. I had plantar fasciitis in both feet when I started jogging and only started jogging consistently because I realized running with proper form moved the impact zone off my injured tendons AND that the area was strengthening every time I jogged and felt immensely better, both localized, and as I lost weight, overall. I finally (just recently) reached the place where I can jog a whole mile without stopping to walk or take breathers.

But EVERY time I start getting a good routine going, I get hurt again, like today. Something in my hip flexor has been bothering me for a few weeks and while I've been trying to do stuff to fix it, and strengthen the area, today it “snapped” about 2 minutes into a good brisk run and I had to stop because my leg basically gave out from under me. It hurts like crazy to even walk right now and I am PISSED, because once again, my body is betraying me when all I've done is try to make it better, faster, stronger, healthier, and meanwhile there are SNEAKY BITCHES out there running 5k's without even TRYING.

It's not like I'm a nutter fanatic trying to run marathons (you know who YOU are...nutters!) and doing crazy routines. I'm just trying to jog a couple times a week as part of an overall cardio and resistance training fitness plan AND I CAN'T EFFING DO IT without getting hurt, and suffering, and experiencing delays of every imaginable sort.

Why are there always people who seem to be able to just fall into the thing we are bleeding and sweating our butts off to be able to do? Like that writer who decided one day to pen a totally ridiculous, cheesy, lame-ass knock-off book and it became an overnight sensation, selling a hundred bazillion jillion copies and inciting fan fiction of the fan fiction (complete with merchandising) to pop up faster than maggots on a cow carcass (Yeah, EL James, talking about you here, and a few other individuals who shall not be named, we all know who you are even if you don't acknowlege it) while there are thousands of writers all over the world who have been slaving away over brilliant, original, FABULOUS ideas for decades, hundreds of decades even (little bit exaggatory) and can barely sell a thing, much less get a contract.

As if that weren't bad enough, inevitably these “blessed” people like to oh-so-innocently rub our faces in their success...“Oh, I didn't need painkillers for the dentist or childbirth!” (True story...I call Alien Species on that particular sneaky bitch, but whatever). “I ran a 5k while having an asthma attack, and won first place!” (Ok, exaggeration, but whatever, my hip effing hurts, I'm allowed.) “I'm now going to share the secrets of my success with you all and show how you, too, can be an overnight writing sensation like me via pompous windbaggy douchery webcasts and books I've written on the subject which you should buy so I can make more money, wheee!” (Not really an exaggeration on that last bit, sadly)

Here's the thing. There are always going to be people who seem to be really good at something or fall into a bit of luck. And if YOU are one of those people, don't be an effing jerk about it. Don't pretend you somehow magically have all the secrets of the universe at your disposal. Don't pretend you're an expert just because you were in the right place at the right time. Don't knock other people's efforts, or belittle their hard work and talent, and don't offer to “help” them or give advice with a supercilious smirk or self-righteous attitude. Be genuine, and humble, and grateful, and don't be a sneaky little bitch, ok? The world does NOT need more of those people.

For the rest of us, I guess all we can do is dust ourselves off, take an ibuprofen, and get the eff back to work. Here's a quote to help us with that~


  1. Bravo! *standing ovation. Whistles. Falls off chair* we so needed this today! We fully sympathise with you. We can't run. We've never been able to run. Even jogging around the physio gym is depressing and we're fit! And the plantar fasiciitis -ooowwww! Our mum suffers from it. I (Cat) did in Edinburgh, brought on by heel spur pain. It's nasty. Nothing cures it, so running with it must be crippling. But you keep going. Even when your body breaks, you get back into it. Full credit to you.

    We're going to join forces with you - to all you smug bastards who shove your success in everyone's faces and boast how easy it is while the rest of us bleed and sweat and break but get up to do it all over again - suck on it. And we hope you catch something.

  2. Oh Em Gee!! Yes! There are so many people, in so many different aspects of life, that I envy just because of this very reason. Seems no matter what me or my husband do (be it career, VA disability claims, writing, whatever, you name it) there's always someone we know who can fall into a pile of shit and come out smelling like roses. And it's ain't us! Bastages! <3
    Jamie Dement (LadyJai)

    1. I can't help but think…and hope!…that maybe an extra hard, exhausting existence in this lifetime means our afterlife will be extraordinarily amazing, but the people who have a great, easy life in this lifetime…well, that's all they're gonna get. That's probably very mean, but….

  3. Those damn b!tches...
    I have been struggling with running forever. I keep at it, because I'm stubborn. Running a mile without stopping is excellent and you should be very proud. :)
    There used to be a thing on a local radio station that played every morning while I was getting ready for school (shows you how long ago that was) and I'm not sure if they got it from a movie or what, but it always cracked me up and it is so fitting here. It goes: "Time to get up and great the world with a smile. And remember everything you do today, someone else will do it better tomorrow. Have a nice day."

    Have a great day Rebecca :)
    Laurie Wetzel