First Venture Into the World of Building Stuff

Recently, I decided to undertake the project of building a wine rack. I have a nice one I found years ago that is very sturdy, but the problem is it only holds standard 750 mL bottles and I've been collecting the magnum 1.5 L sized bottles more often than not. I say "collecting" as if they aren't cheap pinots and merlots that get drunk quicker than an actual collection can be formed, but hey, I still don't want them sitting willy nilly on a counter top for a week or two; I want them settled in a nice orderly fashion in a rack that accommodates their fat waistlines.

After several weeks of planning it out and consulting Pinterest for some starting points, I came up with a list of Must-Haves.

1. Be sculptural and visually interesting
2. Be super inexpensive to make (I'm poor. Did you not see the bit about cheap wine?)
3. Can hold a half, a standard, and a magnum bottle, preferably more than one of each
4. Be a mix of wood and metal (I like the design style of mixing warm and cold elements. It's very au courant. It also suits my temperament. First person to get Katy Perry's Hot 'N Cold stuck in their head gets a cookie. I mean a smack. Crap. Now it's stuck in my head.)
5. Include some element of "other" that would make it neat-o, unique, and special.

I found some Pins that utilized Coffee Cans and Pallet Board and thought combining the two with my own variations might look pretty awesome so I started hunting down materials.

Turns out, finding solid metal coffee cans was really hard! Almost all the brands sold in supermarkets utilize a cardboard body with only the bottom and top being aluminum, and that was not up to par for a durable construction design. After poking, prodding, and manhandling several dozen coffee canisters at WalMart, and receiving more than a few concerned stares by leery shoppers, I found that Master Chef brand coffee is not only the least expensive but also the only brand whose cans are solid aluminum construction. Score! I can't speak to the TASTE or quality of their beans because it's all in freezer bags for future consumption, but their cans are spectacular.

Next, I had to find wood. Facebook networking came to the rescue on that matter~a relative informed me there was a pallet company less than three miles from my apartment (Thanks Sue!).  Getting there during their hours of operation took a little effort but once I barged in their back door and had a roomful of grizzled, sawdusty, bearded lumberjack-styled workers stop mid-action and turn to gape at my audacity, the supervisor was generous enough to offer me my choice of several armfuls of wood from their scrap containers. Double score.

Then, spray paint, binder clips, glue, sandpaper, can opener, screw gun....oh yeah. No idea how to use one of those...

I was prepared to buy one and spend a few hours with some tutorials on youtube but I texted my dad for some advice and he offered me one of his spares. Then we had this conversation that probably left him concerned for my safety...

Me: "Great! How about those thingies that go in it?"
Dad: "Drill bits?"
Me: "Um...whatever you put the screws into."
Dad: "The chuck?"
Me: "Who is Chuck?"
Dad: "What?"

One of us obviously didn't have a clue what was going on and it wasn't my Dad...

I ended up with a cordless Hitachi drill and a box of assorted "thingies," some of which I still don't know what they're called, but I DO know what the "chuck" is, and like most times in life when you learn something new, suddenly everywhere I go, someone is talking about chucks and I have to stop myself from going, "Hey, you! I know what that is now!" because that would be cray-cray in a big way-way.

I still ended up watching some youtube tutorials about using a cordless drill, one featured A Nice British Guy and one featured  A Nice American Girl, figuring advice from both sides of the pond as well as both genders would give me a well-rounded education. They were quite helpful and gave good basic advice, if anyone reading this needs some lessons in using one. I still had to play around with lots of scrap wood and metal bits to get comfortable with all the functions and quirks, and trying to keep a herd of cats from playing with metal shavings is no picnic either, but I prevailed.

 ^Collection of assorted sized cans, spray painted with a hammered-texture copper and burnished brass  color

 ^I quickly realized the binder clips the girl used in the Pinterest tutorial were not going to work with my design, so I switched to wooden clothes pins to clamp the cans together while the glue set. They worked like a charm.

 ^After sanding and assembling the base, I used what I had on hand to weigh down the pieces while the glue was setting...lots of and lots of heavy books!! By the way, if you've never built a wood thing before, you should know that for strength and durability, it's best to glue and screw the pieces together.

 Love the texture provided by the various cans...

 ^The bottom side of the wooden base using reclaimed pallet board and brace edging-the slats are a soft wood, likely pine as it was setting off my allergies, lol, but the braces are made from a hard wood, probably oak, so working with the two different woods was an additional challenge because of how they behave, screws needed, sandpapering, etc. I used two different sized drill bits to make a design in the bottom of two smaller cans, which would be used for decoration.

 ^The top side of the wood base-I applied clear Polyurethane to the wood, wanting its natural color and texture variations to show

 ^Almost done...

 ^Et Voila! C'est Fini! I designed the base so that four wine glasses can be hung upside down from the slats. This way your glasses and wine are conveniently paired close to each other. Because I wanted the holder to have a sculptural appearance, I positioned the drilled cans to add some drama and shape to it. A tea light can also be placed inside the can so the flame will shine through the drilled holes, or someone could customize the display with small battery operated lights for the same effect (but safer).

^My design encompasses all the goals I set out to fulfill, and can not only hold all three (most commonly) sized wine bottles, but other wine accessories can be stored in the smaller tins as well, like a corkscrew and glass charms.

I enjoyed working on this project quite a bit. There are things that would go a lot smoother if I make more along this design, which I may do, but it's extremely satisfying to create something not only useful but attractive, and from materials that were going to be thrown away no less. Continuing to pursue more projects with an environmental conscientiousness is my focus this year, so be on the lookout for upcoming ventures!

You're Right, Black Lives Do Matter...

A few days ago, I was in an online chat room arguing about “White Privilege” with a nincompoop. What he was saying was absurd-he changed his argument with each post, it was clear to me that he was basically a lemming who had given no real thought to what he actually believed, and that he was just parroting what media outlets had told him. 

Nincompoops generally irritate me for about five minutes, then I leave them in the dust and move on to the next relevant thing in my life.

But what has stuck with me for days from that discussion was the Black woman who posted (I am going to paraphrase because I can't find her original post to copy and paste, and I'm not sure if that's rude or unethical to do anyways without her permission) that “Being Black sucks and I am happy my daughter can pass for White. I hope her features and coloring don't change as she grows up [to look more “Black].”

Oh. My. God.

I just sat there and stared at the screen, absorbing her typed words. I can't get them out of my head, and I have gone back and forth over how I wanted to approach this issue, IF I even wanted to approach this issue, because it's such a loaded one, and I am continually told that I have no RIGHT to speak to these types of things, because I am White.

But since it's been cycling through my brain for three days now, and woke me up at 6:30 am on a Sunday, one of the only days of the week I can sleep as late as I want to, I'm going to go ahead and insist I do have the right to speak on this issue, and I hope that what I have to say about it can be taken with thoughtful consideration by persons of all colors who might stumble upon this entry.

Firstly, I have some questions.

Who taught this mother that the color of her skin was wrong? Was it a White person? Was it the media? Was it her own Black parents? Grandparents? Why is anyone teaching their kid that one color is “better” than another color? Why is anyone giving the message to their child that they should be ashamed of how they look? That their life will be hard, and disappointing, and dangerous, no matter how smart they are, or how hard they try? That they will never be good enough, or accepted, or appreciated, or respected, or valued, because they have a Black parent? Because that is the message this little girl is getting from her mother. And when one woman admits to such a thing, it makes me certain that there are more than just her who are perpetuating this horrible legacy.

It makes me certain that this type of thinking has been passed down through generations of families, and in fact, I have heard it from other Black parents...parents who teach their children that they must behave a certain way so as not to be arrested or abused by authorities for “walking while Black” or “driving while Black.” That little Black girls should straighten their hair so as to avoid their natural texture and curl. Pop stars who wear blonde wigs and blonde weaves, and get blue contacts. Black people who can “pass for White” and how this is a event that inspires jealousy amongst their darker skinned acquaintances.

Black parents, teachers, media darlings, and other role models who are teaching children, through their actions, their attitudes, their words, and their attentions that being Black is not ok...YOU are causing the problems with your kids! YOU are responsible for the little boys and girls who grow up and are lost, without an identity, unsure where they are supposed to fit in, how they are “supposed” to behave, who feel ashamed and angry that they are Black, victimized in a “White World" (as a point of fact, statisticians have shown approx. 70% of the world's population is not "White" and 30% is "White"...see here for the figures http://www.snopes.com/science/stats/populate.asp  ~~we do not live in a “White World” no matter how it may feel to people sometimes) and thus willing to turn to drugs, gangs, a life of crime, a lack of respect for authority, the disinterest in pursuing an education or any of the other social issues that statistics claim plague the Black community.

I say this because I know what happens when people are told they aren't good enough and won't amount to anything. They believe it. They believe it, and then they tell their kids the same horrible things, and their kids believe it, too. This defeatist cycle becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and lives are wasted.

ALL lives matter. ALL children have the potential to do great things. NO parent should be teaching their child to de-value themselves or others because of their skin color, or that their place in the world is lesser than any other.

This is not something that can be achieved by rallies, and protests. This is something that can only be achieved one family at a time. One parent at a time modeling self-worth, modeling what it means to belong to a community, modeling and teaching that you must first respect and value yourself before others will do so, because we teach people how to treat us.

These lessons are not skin-hue specific. This is the responsibility of every parent, every teacher, and while it should be the responsibility of every boob who pops up on our television screens, that will never happen, so yes, it makes the parent's job that much harder, but that's just the way it is.

White parents can spend all the energy in the world teaching their kids that they shouldn't judge a person's value or worth based on the color of their skin, but if Black kids are getting the message from their own parents that “Being White is better,” it's all for naught.

Your kids look to you to see how they should behave. Before they can talk, before you think they can even hear you or interpret your words, they are learning. They are learning how you feel about yourself, they are learning their own place in the world, they are learning their own value and self worth, and my God, you had better be teaching them that they are worth more than all the riches in the world and that they deserve a good life, and that their skin color is completely irrelevant to these facts.  

Added>

Instead of me just talking TO anyone reading this, I'd like to invite you to post a comment below if you've ever experienced someone from your own community making you feel ashamed of your own skin...is this issue something that occurs very rarely? Regularly? I am getting the impression that it's way more common than people realize or care to admit, but maybe that's not true. Please help by contributing to the discussion...when people can share their own experiences, we all understand an issue a little better. Thank you!

Sticky, Icky Internal Mess

   The other day at work, my manager and I discovered how to pull the back panel off one of the trash receptacles so we could empty it while standing behind the counter instead of going to the front side of the counter. This will (literally) save our bacon ~ (I overcooked bacon once because I forgot it was in the microwave because it takes soooooo looooong to empty all the stupid garbages and get them to the dumpster, which means we don't get a chance to empty them until they are overflowing and then it becomes an emergency because customers can't fit more of their trash into the receptacles and changing it from the back saves LOADS of time, hassle, etc.) 

   Anyways, complaining about my lousy job is not the point of this post, although I might do that post another time, featuring the Best of the Best of the stupid/heinous/grotesque/hilarious things that occur at that Place I Earn Money (For Now).

   I didn't have time to do much with our newfound discovery until today. I pulled the back panel off, emptied the bin liner, and when I reached down to pick up the stray coffee stirrers and sugar packet wrappers that had worked their way underneath, I stopped just in time before touching IT with my bare hand. Putting on a glove, I reached into the sludgy mess and grabbed a handful of gooey detritus. 

   At least a year's worth of coffee, creamer, and other assorted yuck had dribbled down under the shelf and began growing its own colony, with stirrer skyscrapers and highways of semi-molten Splenda packets. Hidden away, content in its secret revolting-ness, the mass grew, plotting for the night it would take over the store when the last light was shut off at closing time.

   Last night I had a bad dream. It brought up a lot of emotional sh*t for me, stuff that I've been trying to deal with for the past 5-6 months and haven't been doing so well at managing. 

   See, about 6 months ago, someone I trusted, someone I cared for very deeply, someone I thought would be in my life forever kissed me, then stabbed me in the gut. While smiling. I didn't feel the knife going in at first, just that flicker of recognition that something was wrong, so very, very, horribly wrong, when he stabbed me again. And then I knew what he was doing, but when something so out of the blue is happening to you, you can't think, you can't stop it, you can't even do anything to protect yourself. You just stare at him, mouth agape, and wonder what on earth is happening, what did you do wrong, why is this person you trusted doing this to you?

   I speak in metaphor, because thankfully I was not literally stabbed, but the betrayal feels the same as if I had been.

   Shock and horror and confusion, pain and bewilderment and desperate grasps at making sense of it all...but there is no sense to be had. Perhaps in some alternate universe, all has been revealed and the plot explained, but not in this one. I still don't understand the situation. Hardly a day goes by where I don't mourn the loss in some way. 

   Some days I recognize that the only way for someone to spew that much hatred upon another person is because they hate themselves and I can feel sorry for him. I pray for the opportunity that he would know exactly how much pain his actions caused me and to know that I forgive him anyways, so that he can reach a place of forgiveness for the people that have hurt him and created the type of person who would behave the way he did...and his wounds would heal, ending the vicious cycle.

   Other days...well, other days, I feel like that disgusting mass of convenient store coffee station offal. I mean, only someone who is trash, someone who is gross and horrid, someone you wouldn't even dream of touching without gloves on, someone who has a dark soul, putrid heart, only someone like that is treated so heinously, right? Because people who seem wonderful just don't treat decent people that badly, so that obviously that means I'm not decent. We get what we deserve in life. Karma. What goes around comes around.

   It's weird. When you talk with female victims of domestic violence, they almost always say the same things. They say that they were sure the first time was just a misunderstanding, that they pissed him off and any man would respond like that. They say it was their own fault, if they had just did what they knew they were supposed to, it never would have happened. They inherently claim responsibility for their abuser's despicable actions, because the idea that a man who says he loves you actually hates you as much as he hates himself is just too foreign of a concept. 

   We take people we trust at their word. When someone we love tells us we are bad people, we believe them. We want their approval, we want them to love us, and we do all sorts of things to try and achieve that goal. But here's the dirty little secret the panel is hiding...we'll never achieve that goal. We won't achieve it because perfection is impossible. They can't love us because they don't even know what love is. They despise us for loving them because they don't love themselves. They see us as weak for caring about them, pathetic for not standing up to them, standing up for ourselves. All abusers were once victims. They let crap build up behind the back panel until it got to the point where a vat of lye and a pressure washer couldn't even clean it properly.

   When I woke up this morning, I laid in bed for a long time, thinking about the dream I had. It was kind of simple...just me and my abuser hanging out, watching TV, having fun together. Then he turned and looked at me and smiled with that quirky side grin he had...and started saying all the things at once he'd ever said to hurt me, to manipulate me, to make me feel like dirt. 

   Maybe this doesn't sound so bad to you, but to anyone reading this who's ever been emotionally abused, degraded by someone they cared about, made to feel small and useless and pathetic...you know that can be so much worse than getting punched. Those words echo in your brain forever. They never go away. You'll be in a perfectly happy moment and something innocuous triggers a memory, and you are right back there again, stab marks appearing on your skin, your blood seeping out, wounds that refuse to heal and re-open again and again. Each time it happens, you hope it's the last time, because each time it happens, you never know if you'll be able to convince yourself the voice you hear is lying to you.

   Today I wasn't able to convince myself. All I could think was how to best drive the new person in my life away. You see, I might have the chance to be really happy with him. I might have the chance to spend the rest of my life really happy, with him, making every dream I've ever had come true, so obviously I need to ruin it, throw it away, get rid of him, because inevitably, he'll find out that I am garbage, and it'll just be so much better for everyone if we stop this right now.

    I got pissy with him for no apparent reason and he was obviously upset and a part of me didn't care. No, worse than not caring, I was happy to hurt him. Happy to shut him out, to act like I was cold and uncaring, I got a little rush and thought, “See how you like it!” Then it hit me...Who on earth was I talking to? Who was I trying to hurt and get “back” at? This guy who has never done a single thing with ill intent towards me? This guy who has been amazing, and for some bizarre reason seems to really want me, and care about me? Or...Him?

   I didn't want to open the can of worms with my guy about the other guy. I wasn't ready to bare my underbelly and make myself vulnerable. I've been shutting my guy out of my past thinking it was protecting our future, but it turns out to only be ruining our present.

    One of the things He used to do was try and make me feel crazy for having legitimate feelings and emotions. He'd act like my inner thoughts were insane and I was an idiot for having them, much less telling Him about them.

    So telling my guy anything about anything emotionally intimate is a challenge for me...I don't want to seem weak. Or crazy. So being all logical and therapist-y is my default mode...but then we never get past the surface with anything, and that's no way to have a serious relationship, so I let a little bit spill out. He was still listening so I spilled out a little bit more. I gave him this analogy about cars and accidents and how even though he was a different car, I was still afraid it'd crash like the old car did.

He said that was a good analogy. (I like it when people like my analogies; I use a lot of them.)

   And then I had to go to work, thus halting the conversation, which was super crappy timing.

   I guess there is no one, single point to this post. Normally I have a specific destination in mind when I sit down and write these things, but this one is different. The story isn't over yet, the lesson isn't fully realized.

    I don't yet really know yet if my guy is going to end up thinking I'm a sludgy, repulsive mess. I'd like to be able to say I'm perfectly healed because I've had a few epiphanies and a break through or two and about to trot off into the sunset, but I missed tonight's while I was writing this post and who knows what tomorrow's holds? 

    I do know that I've wanted to write about this stuff for months and tonight is the first time I've felt up to it, felt that it felt right to do so (lotsa feelings being felt up in here, yo). I do know my guy didn't make me feel poorly or embarassed, shameful or weird, crazy or blaming it on me PMS'ing for sharing what I did with him.

    I also know that by keeping quiet, by blaming myself, or running away from the opportunity to be happy...that would mean I really was a victim. A person can be victimized without staying a victim, I think. I don't want to hold onto that role any longer than absolutely necessary. Maybe letting some of it out is the only way I'm going to get over it. Drain the poison. Skim the dross. Purge the bilge. Analogies. Told you.

   Maya Angelou died today, the day I write this post. I've never read a thing by her until today...and this poem is what I stumbled upon first. While she was writing it for Black Americans, the words speak to me nonetheless. They are words of victory, of hope, of allowing ourselves to revel in the glory of our human-ness, our insinkable spirit, and our freedom from those or that which try to enslave us or bring us down to their level of hate and hurt...It seemed appropriate to share. 

And Still I Rise

You may write me down in history


With your bitter, twisted lies,
 

You may tread me in the very dirt


But still, like dust, I'll rise.


Does my sassiness upset you? 


Why are you beset with gloom? 


'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.


Just like moons and like suns,


With the certainty of tides,


Just like hopes springing high,


Still I'll rise.


Did you want to see me broken? 


Bowed head and lowered eyes? 


Shoulders falling down like teardrops.


Weakened by my soulful cries.



Does my haughtiness offend you? 


Don't you take it awful hard


'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines


Diggin' in my own back yard.



You may shoot me with your words,


You may cut me with your eyes,


You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I'll rise.



Does my sexiness upset you? 


Does it come as a surprise


That I dance like I've got diamonds


At the meeting of my thighs? 



Out of the huts of history's shame 
I rise


Up from a past that's rooted in pain 
I rise


I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,


Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.


Leaving behind nights of terror and fear 
I rise


Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
 I rise


Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,


I am the dream and the hope of the slave.


I rise
 I rise 
I rise.

Maya Angelou

Life Update, Because There Have Been No Blog Posts In A Million Years :D

    When I was little, I wanted to be Indiana Jones. Learning that the vast majority of archaeologists don't travel around the globe with a bullwhip, rescuing damsels in distress and saving mankind was a huge disappointment, so I decided to be an actress. In quick succession, I believe I added acrobat, princess, world-famous artist, author, rockstar - not a musician, mind you; years of being forced to play the flute and piano taught me that I hated playing instruments almost as much as mucking the horse stalls and putting in hay on a 95 degree August day - and several other unlikely pursuits to my list of dream careers.

     I'm now 33 and I can't be any more certain of what I want to be when I grow up than when I was 7, but I do know that being able to create art and educating other people fulfills something in me in a way that nothing else seems to be able to do. I spent almost twelve years in the field of Addiction Treatment, and while I realized early on it was not a lifelong position for me, it allowed me to develop the personal skills and tools needed to enhance my emotional health and well-being. It instilled in me the importance of being a guide for others who are struggling with their own issues. The mind fascinates me, and the power we have to nurture and heal ourselves and others with alternative therapies was proven over and over during my time in that field.

    As an adult learner returning to college, I watched many young students flail and flop their way through their first year, many not finding their way back for a second. That was me the first time around, when I was 18 and attending a four year college away from home. My experiences there were what led me to understand and empathize with the hundreds of clients I worked with in Addiction's Treatment, and I don't regret those lessons and gifts, but it certainly drove home the fact that I was not ready to be a serious student as a teenager. I had to experience some hard knocks before being capable of taking the opportunity to earn a college degree seriously.

    Art Therapy is an area I've considered on and off for awhile. I'd always talked myself out of it, as the idea of returning to school and committing to years of study to become certified seemed out of reach, financially as well as the time required to achieve that goal. So, like many people, I stayed in a job I didn't particularly care for, because it paid the bills and because forging a new path just seemed too exhausting.

    In 2012, my position was made redundant, and I was laid off for the second time in 2 years. Terrified, and yet somehow free and unfettered, I made a plan: Write the novel I'd always said I was going to, lose the weight I needed to lose, have an adventure, meet a great guy, and get my derrière back to college.

     I'm gonna brag for a sec, and there's nothing humble about it! I worked REALLY HARD to get where I am, here in 2014, and somehow, miraculously, astonishingly, gratefully, I've accomplished all of the things I set out to do, and then some.  I'm the same size I was in high school, which is awesome. I took a trip that really needed to be taken and while it was incredibly difficult and emotionally disastrous, I came out the better for it, and boy, was it ever an adventure! I did write a novel...I honestly don't know if I'll ever bother to get it published, but I'm not sure that's even the point anyways. I've met an incredible guy and he is almost certainly magical (and very, very human, which makes him all the more special). I've made so much art the past two years, I can't even count it all. SHAMELESS PLUG: I got invited to do a Plein Air painting event in June and then my work will be auctioned off and I am SO FRIGGIN' EXCITED/TERRIFIED about this upcoming event!                                           

Finally, I've completed my Associate's Degree!  I don't want to stop now. To paraphrase Newton, an object in motion tends to stay in motion, and I'm an object in motion. The school I'll be attending next will allow me to tailor a degree, presumably with a focus in the Arts and Psychology, that would allow me to continue working towards my ultimate goal of becoming an Art Therapist.

     Will that truly be where I end up a few years from now? I don't know. Perhaps it sounds a little hokey, but I've discovered a formula that works for me: If I simply keep putting one foot in front of the other, God gets me where I need to be. I don't need to know where I am going to be headed in the right direction. It used to frighten me, and I always thought I should listen to people who insisted I needed to make a plan and stick with it, but the reality is, life throws curve balls. Setting a goal and then being flexible about what comes along in the meantime is a lot like a high-wire act. I'm happier living this way. Perhaps I've become an acrobat after all?

    The bottom line is a degree will never be a waste if I am learning things I feel passionate about. The human mind, how it works, the value of art and creative expression...these are things I feel passionate about and pursuing next. 

 To some of you who may or may not be reading this...Thank you for the past 2 years. You were part of my life in a variety of ways, all of which were extremely important. Things don't always make sense, and I wish some things were different, but things are how they are and I'm not going to let a single one of those things tear me apart. If I had a theme song, I'd insert it here. Love, Peace, and Success to us all <3

Sneaky B*tches

Today, I overheard a girl in a class today talking about running her first 5k. I congratulated her and got chatting about running, and mentioned that I hope to do a 5k one of these days. And then she was like....oh, yeah, I have asthma and I couldn't breathe but you know, it was easy, I just kept moving, blah blah blah, running just comes easily to me I guess, aren't I awesome, etc. etc. etc.

That's when I realized she was a Sneaky Bitch. You know the type...the ones who make all your hard work and agony seem so STUPID and pointless because they just decide one day to do something, and it works for THEM, and they don't understand that not everyone can do that thing easily. They don't give a crap their words are like a knife in your back.

And today, it's just the final straw for me, because I've spent the better part of the past two years trying to be a runner. I went to a running clinic to learn proper form (ball impact, heel glance...any coach that ever told you to “dig in those heels” while running was a dumbass and likely causing you injury). I'd get so close to completing a full mile and fall short, because my lungs were going to explode. I've fallen off treadmills, nay, FLEW off a treadmill, because I am a horrible spaz. I've sprained the same ankle twice, very badly, again on the spaz bit. I had plantar fasciitis in both feet when I started jogging and only started jogging consistently because I realized running with proper form moved the impact zone off my injured tendons AND that the area was strengthening every time I jogged and felt immensely better, both localized, and as I lost weight, overall. I finally (just recently) reached the place where I can jog a whole mile without stopping to walk or take breathers.

But EVERY time I start getting a good routine going, I get hurt again, like today. Something in my hip flexor has been bothering me for a few weeks and while I've been trying to do stuff to fix it, and strengthen the area, today it “snapped” about 2 minutes into a good brisk run and I had to stop because my leg basically gave out from under me. It hurts like crazy to even walk right now and I am PISSED, because once again, my body is betraying me when all I've done is try to make it better, faster, stronger, healthier, and meanwhile there are SNEAKY BITCHES out there running 5k's without even TRYING.

It's not like I'm a nutter fanatic trying to run marathons (you know who YOU are...nutters!) and doing crazy routines. I'm just trying to jog a couple times a week as part of an overall cardio and resistance training fitness plan AND I CAN'T EFFING DO IT without getting hurt, and suffering, and experiencing delays of every imaginable sort.

Why are there always people who seem to be able to just fall into the thing we are bleeding and sweating our butts off to be able to do? Like that writer who decided one day to pen a totally ridiculous, cheesy, lame-ass knock-off book and it became an overnight sensation, selling a hundred bazillion jillion copies and inciting fan fiction of the fan fiction (complete with merchandising) to pop up faster than maggots on a cow carcass (Yeah, EL James, talking about you here, and a few other individuals who shall not be named, we all know who you are even if you don't acknowlege it) while there are thousands of writers all over the world who have been slaving away over brilliant, original, FABULOUS ideas for decades, hundreds of decades even (little bit exaggatory) and can barely sell a thing, much less get a contract.

As if that weren't bad enough, inevitably these “blessed” people like to oh-so-innocently rub our faces in their success...“Oh, I didn't need painkillers for the dentist or childbirth!” (True story...I call Alien Species on that particular sneaky bitch, but whatever). “I ran a 5k while having an asthma attack, and won first place!” (Ok, exaggeration, but whatever, my hip effing hurts, I'm allowed.) “I'm now going to share the secrets of my success with you all and show how you, too, can be an overnight writing sensation like me via pompous windbaggy douchery webcasts and books I've written on the subject which you should buy so I can make more money, wheee!” (Not really an exaggeration on that last bit, sadly)

Here's the thing. There are always going to be people who seem to be really good at something or fall into a bit of luck. And if YOU are one of those people, don't be an effing jerk about it. Don't pretend you somehow magically have all the secrets of the universe at your disposal. Don't pretend you're an expert just because you were in the right place at the right time. Don't knock other people's efforts, or belittle their hard work and talent, and don't offer to “help” them or give advice with a supercilious smirk or self-righteous attitude. Be genuine, and humble, and grateful, and don't be a sneaky little bitch, ok? The world does NOT need more of those people.

For the rest of us, I guess all we can do is dust ourselves off, take an ibuprofen, and get the eff back to work. Here's a quote to help us with that~

Release the Zombies!Release the Zombies!

Today I finished the third and final book of Angela Scott's brilliant Zombie West series, Dead Plains. 

It was gloriously gruesome, ridiculously romantic, and totally threw me for a couple loops. Never tiresome or tedious, Scott does superb details and descriptions with the best of 'em. I loved the conclusion to the story I've been following for almost two years now (holy cow, I can't believe how fast it's gone!) and I so appreciate Angela letting me read and review all three books. It's been quite an adventure alongside Red, Trace, and the rest of the gang. I loved Willa, a new character introduced, and I felt so bad for those farm animals at the end (don't worry, I won't ruin the details, but it absolutely has a happy ending)...

It's likely that if you are reading this blog, you already know a little about Angela Scott and the Zombie West series, but if not, here are the links about why you should read the first two:

My Blog Entry about Book One


To Buy Book One or read other reviews- Wanted: Dead or Undead


To Buy Book Two or read other reviews

Haven't read either of them? Don't worry, we've got you covered!! All commenters will be entered to win an e-copy of Book 1, "Wanted: Dead or Undead" or Book 2, "Survivor Roundup," Winner's choice of which book. Details Below :)

A little about the lovely author herself:

BIO: 
I hear voices. Tiny fictional people sit on my shoulders and whisper their stories in my ear. Instead of medicating myself, I decided to pick up a pen, write down everything those voices tell me, and turn it into a book. I’m not crazy. I’m an author. For the most part, I write contemporary Young Adult novels. However, through a writing exercise that spiraled out of control, I found myself writing about zombies terrorizing the Wild Wild West—and loving it. My zombies don’t sparkle, and they definitely don’t cuddle. At least, I wouldn’t suggest it.

I live on the benches of the beautiful Wasatch Mountains with two lovely children, one teenager, and a very patient husband. I graduated from Utah State University with a B.A. degree in English, not because of my love for the written word, but because it was the only major that didn’t require math. I can’t spell, and grammar is my arch nemesis. But they gave me the degree, and there are no take backs.

As a child, I never sucked on a pacifier; I chewed on a pencil. I’ve been writing that long. It has only been the past few years that I’ve pursued it professionally, forged relationships with other like-minded individuals, and determined to make a career out of it.

You can subscribe and follow me on my website, where I blog obsessively about my writing process and post updates on my current works. I’m also on Twitter and Facebook, but be forewarned, I tweet and post more than a normal person.

You can pick up a copy of Dead Plains for yourself (or as a gift, but honestly, you'll want to read it) at the following places~

Kindle~Amazon
Smashwords
Barnes & Noble
Kobo

Now for the commenting and your chance to win a free e-book...Tell us what fictional character you'd most want by your side in the event of a zombie apocalypse and WHY? (All commenter names will be put in a hat/jar/other opaque container at my disposal and ONE winner's name will be drawn on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013 at 8 pm EST. You must leave your email address with your comment because that's how we'll contact the winner and send you your book....I promise never to mail you anything else!)


If you so desire, you may "like" and follow my nonsensery on my Author/Artist/Photographer Facebook Page here Rebecca L. Fisk and my twitter account here wishywash27 

Good luck and happy reading!

Who Told You It Was Okay To Be A Lecher?

In this day and age, I find myself surprised that any man over the age of 18 still thinks it's perfectly acceptable to engage in lechery, but yet I witness it nearly every day. What's worse is I'm not sure many of the guys who do it think what they are doing actually is lechery, or that most women don't “secretly” like it.

Let me back up a minute and explain what I mean by “lechery,” just so we are all on the same page. The dictionary defines it as “inordinate indulgence in sexual activity.” Well, THAT was no help at all. I mean, who defines how much is normal versus inordinate? Furthermore, does anyone besides Priests or Nuns think indulging oneself in sexual activity is bad?

A new and improved definition might be this: Any behavior towards another person using phrases, suggestions, innuendoes, nuances, jokes, banter, gestures, motions, or other that is intended to sexualize the person in a way that makes them uncomfortable. Wait, doesn't that kind of sound like sexual harassment? Why, yes, it really, really does, and that's because “sexual harassment” is the ominous sounding legal term that includes lecherous behavior!!! Ding Ding Ding!

Maybe a few examples would help clarify even further. I had some specific issues in mind when I realized I wanted to do a blog post about it, but I wanted to get some other people's opinions on it too, so when I threw the topic out to the Twitterverse, some interesting stuff came up.

One of the issues at hand is that women have grown so used to this behavior from men, we simply pretend it's not happening. Guy at work makes a weird joke about your pantylines? Ignore. Facebook friend makes creepy comments about wanting your body, or wanting to see your body in leopard print jeans? Ignore. Why do we do this? A few reasons. One of which yes, I'll be frank, on SOME occasions SOME women might find it flattering. But for the 99.999999% of the time we do not want attention this way, women ignore lechery for a lot of reasons. 

We hope the person will never ever again say something so embarrassing and behave themselves. We hope their wife/girlfriend catches them at it and whomps them upside the head so we don't have to. We don't want to draw further attention to the comment by acknowledging it in any way. We don't want to banter back because we don't want to encourage the person. We DO banter back because we want to make light of it, or not seem prudish or uptight. We don't know WHAT to say, or do, so maybe we say or do nothing. AND DOING NOTHING ISN'T WORKING.

A women who got involved in the discussion said for years she always got groped in bars and she always ignored it. Finally she got sick of it, and when a guy grabbed her, she grabbed him back, right in the face, forced him to look at her, and told him in no uncertain terms, to STOP IT. He backed off, bleary eyed and drunk as a skunk. That guy, by the way, was not just trying to touch her back, or even her breasts...

Another women said when she used to waitress, she would experience things like her male co-workers blocking the doorway while she was trying to get inside to clock in, and they'd make crude comments to her. She had an owner of one place tell her to wear less clothing if she wanted to make some decent money. The outfit in question was already a tank top and shorts and the restaurant was supposedly a family dining establishment, not a dive bar or a Hooters. She said lots of times she'd be jogging and a car would slow down and drive right alongside her, and the guy(s) inside would whistle, catcall, say things like “work it” or the like.

That has also happened to me, and it's scary, because you don't know how to react, and what the guy(s) might do. I've responded to these behaviors by ignoring them. Other times I've tried a more aggressive approach like giving them the finger, or saying something like “Yeah, keep dreaming, buddy.” The thing is...their response has almost always been the same regardless of whether I've ignored them or responded verbally. I've gotten the nasty laugh and then they gun the engine or squeal the tires as they drive off. I've been called a “Bitch” or a “C-nt” and then they gun the engine or squeal the tires as they drive off. So if I ignore their advances, I'm obviously an ungrateful Bitch and deserve to inhale their exhaust as they drive off, but if I try to defend myself from their neanderthalic advances in any way, I'm an ungrateful C-nt and deserve to be mistreated for that too. Interesting.

Let's look at some less physical examples. I have this attractive friend, and at least once a week, I hear someone making a comment to her that soundly qualifies as lechery. One example I overheard was “You give guys wood.” Um...really? Wow. Who SAYS that?! And the leopard print jeans comment I mentioned earlier? Yeah, someone I went to high school with a million years ago and barely know posted that on my facebook wall. “I'd like to see you post a picture wearing those leopard print jeans.” Leer leer, wink wink. Huh?

And therein lies the crux...some guys seem to think it's okay to make sexual comments to women BECAUSE they've never met, and aren't likely to, or because they live thousands of miles away. For some people, the greater the physical distance in miles, the more acceptable they seem to think it is to make offhand or pervy comments. I've seen lots of married guys or ones who are in a relationship, make sexual comments to other women and they think that lets them off the hook in some way, because “I am spoken for and they know I'm just joking.” Guess what, it's NOT OKAY even if they DO “know you are joking.” Adding a grinning winky face or a “JK” after a lecherous comment doesn't make it any more okay than if you say it to someone's face. If you wouldn't say it to their face while your grandma and their grandma is sitting right there, as well as your wife or S.O., then it's not okay to say it at all via social media when you think no one is looking. Telling someone on twitter that you'd like to blankety blank their blank is not okay. Telling someone on Facebook you'd like to “ride their merry go round” is NOT OKAY (unless they actually have a Carousel, in which case, hook me up 'cause I love those things).

I won't even get into the number of times where a woman has to deal with some guy stalking her with his eyes and doing the lascivious look-down/undressing-while-licking-his-lips thing - like you are walking around the grocery store just for his personal viewing pleasure and sexual satisfaction - Meat selection, ground beef or female flesh, yum. You just haven't LIVED until you've thrown up in your mouth a little because you know exactly what he's thinking about doing to you, right?

For the record, to be completely clear, I'm not talking about males and females who have the kind of relationship where they BOTH find it acceptable to make crude jokes and comments to each other. That's their business, and more power to 'em. I'm also not talking about flirting. If you find someone attractive, then ask them out on a proper date, don't make crude comments about their body parts or other such nonsense before you are absolutely certain they are fine with you doing so.

What I'm talking about is behavior that one person thinks is funny and entertaining, and their right to dole out, while the person on the receiving end is disgusted, humiliated, scared, confused, and hurt by the one doing it.

For everyone who is the recipient of lechery, I think we need to do things a little differently from now on. Let's not ignore it if someone says something to us that makes us uncomfortable. Let's call the person out on it. Let's tell them straight up, “Hey, I don't find that comment appropriate.” “That comment made me uncomfortable.” “Please don't make any more jokes like that, thanks.” To the drive-by cat-callers? “Your conduct is disrespectful,” and keep walking away. Etc. Etc. Be direct. If you know the person, say it's a friend or acquaintance, let's say what we need to in a private message, or pull the person aside...most people respond better and more respectfully when not admonished in public. If they continue making comments after you've asked them in private, by all means, shine the spotlight down and call that sh*t OUT, such as on social media or the breakroom. Block them, unfriend them, file a complaint, whatever you have to do. You don't need to put up with it. There is a HUGE difference between flirting and being lecherous, and it's up to us to draw our comfort line between the two.

Rape Culture teaches women to be afraid to stick up for themselves. We don't like to offend, we don't like to create waves or cause tension, we don't want to be called a Bitch or a C-nt, nor do we want to be thought of that way. But you know what? Enough is enough. Either we tell someone it's not okay for them to be a Lecher or we are basically saying it is. If it makes you uncomfortable, it's not okay for the other person to be doing it and you have the right to say so. Will this stop everyone? No. Bottom line, there are still neanderthals among us, no question. But no one should have to stay silent and just take it, and there is still power in saying, “No. This is not okay. Stop it.” And you know what? The more people who say it, the more powerful it gets. Pass it on.